7 Best Ways to Overcome and Stop Being a Perfectionist
Takeaway: Chasing perfection feels like running on a treadmill that’s going too fast. No matter how hard you try, you never quite get anywhere. The good news is you can step off, slow down, and still get things done. Here, a therapist shares practical strategies to ease up on yourself, stop overthinking everything, and finally breathe a little.
A client once told me, “I feel like I’m sprinting toward a finish line that keeps moving. No matter how much I accomplish, it never feels like enough.” From an Internal Family Systems (IFS) lens, perfectionism isn’t a personality flaw, it's a part of you that working hard to keep you safe from failure, criticism, or the fear of not being enough.
I’m a therapist who helps people understand these perfectionist tendencies with curiosity rather than judgment, so they can shift out of rigid expectations and into a more compassionate relationship with themselves.
In this guide, you’ll learn practical strategies to ease perfectionist tendencies, reduce fear of failure, and set realistic expectations that work in everyday life. Think of this as a softer, more human way to make progress — without needing everything to be perfect.
Tips to help you overcome perfectionism and fear of failure
Below are 7 strategies to help you challenge perfectionistic thoughts, develop self-compassion, and set realistic goals so you can stop feeling overwhelmed and start making meaningful progress.
1. Set “Good Enough” Goals Instead of Perfect Ones
How to do it:
Choose one task today and intentionally aim for “good enough” rather than perfect. This means completing it to a reasonable standard based on what you would expect from someone else, not the impossible standards you set for yourself.
Why it helps:
Perfectionists tend to set unrealistic expectations, which leads to procrastination, anxiety, and feeling bad about yourself. “Good enough” goals interrupt the cycle by teaching your brain that success doesn’t require incredibly high standards.
Therapist tip:
Most people can’t tell the difference between your 80% and your 100% effort. Practicing “good enough” helps you focus on what actually matters.
2. Practice Self-Compassion When You Make Mistakes
How to do it:
When perfectionistic thoughts show up (“I messed up — this is terrible”), pause and gently tell yourself, “Mistakes happen. I’m human.” Repeat until your nervous system softens.
Why it helps:
Self-criticism increases anxiety, makes you afraid to try new things, and keeps you stuck in perfectionistic behaviors. Self-compassion reduces negative thoughts and increases confidence and resilience.
Therapist tip:
Try speaking to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend who made the same mistake. You deserve that same kindness.
3. Break Tasks Into Smaller, Doable Steps
How to do it:
Choose a task you’ve been avoiding and break it into 3–5 small steps. Focus on just the first step, whether that’s opening a document, setting a timer, or writing one sentence.
Why it helps:
Perfectionists often feel overwhelmed because they view tasks as all-or-nothing. Breaking things down helps you focus on the process instead of the pressure to do the perfect job.
Therapist tip:
If you’re a recovering perfectionist, “start small” may feel like wasting time, but this is how you build sustainable habits.
4. Notice and Name Your Perfectionistic Thoughts
How to do it:
When you catch yourself thinking in extremes (“This has to be perfect,” “If it’s not amazing, I’ve failed”), label it as a perfectionistic thought. Then gently question it: “Is that actually true?”
Why it helps:
Naming the thought helps you gain perspective and reduces the emotional intensity behind perfection. Over time, this makes it easier to challenge irrational fears and unrealistic standards.
Therapist tip:
The goal here isn't to eliminate perfectionism, it's to learn to recognize it before it controls your decisions.
5. Practice Doing Things Imperfectly on Purpose
How to do it:
Choose a low-stakes activity (like sending a text, writing an email, or picking an outfit) and intentionally do it imperfectly. Don’t edit, overthink, or fix it.
Why it helps:
This exercise rewires your brain to tolerate the discomfort that comes with letting go of control. It also teaches you that nothing catastrophic happens when things aren’t perfect.
Therapist tip:
Start tiny. You don’t have to challenge your biggest fears first. Practicing imperfection builds a new comfort zone over time.
6. Challenge Unrealistic Expectations by Asking “Who Decided This?”
How to do it:
When you catch yourself striving for perfection, pause and ask: “Who decided it needs to be done this way?”
Why it helps:
Many perfectionists internalize messages from family members, teachers, or workplaces without realizing it. Recognizing that these expectations came from somewhere can reduce the pressure to meet them perfectly.
Therapist tip:
Sometimes the rules you’re following aren’t even yours. That awareness alone can loosen perfectionism’s grip.
7. Build Regular Self-Care and Rest Into Your Routine
How to do it:
Schedule small moments of rest (a walk, a break, time to breathe) into your day. Make self-care part of your routine, not an afterthought.
Why it helps:
When you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, or constantly striving, perfectionistic tendencies increase. Self-care supports mental health, reduces anxiety, and helps you stay present.
Therapist tip:
Rest is not “wasting time.” It’s what helps you show up more fully for the important things in your life.
Busting common myths about perfectionism that keep you stuck
Many people believe perfectionism is a personality trait or a sign of ambition, but these misconceptions can keep you trapped in patterns that cause a negative impact on your life.
Myth #1: “Perfectionism just means having high standards.”
Perfectionism is not the same as high standards. It’s a pattern of anxiety-driven, self-critical, rigid expectations that are impossible to meet. Healthy striving feels energizing while perfectionism feels like tightness and suffocation.
Myth #2: “Perfectionists do better work.”
You may spend more time on tasks, but more time doesn’t always mean better results. Often perfectionists waste time polishing details that don’t matter and feel overwhelmed before they even begin. This overwhelm can lead to procrastinating on the task, making it take longer.
Myth #3: “Perfectionism helps you succeed.”
Perfectionism is linked to procrastination, burnout, and avoiding risks — all of which make success harder. Progress comes from consistency, not from doing everything perfectly.
Myth #4: “If I stop being a perfectionist, I’ll become lazy.”
Letting go of perfection doesn't mean lowering your standards. It means replacing self-criticism with realistic expectations so you can stay motivated without fear or anxiety running the show.
What overcoming perfectionistic behaviors actually looks like
Overcoming perfectionism doesn’t happen overnight. It looks like subtle, meaningful shifts that show you’re making progress.
Sign #1: You can start tasks without overthinking every detail
Instead of obsessing over the perfect first sentence or perfect plan, you simply begin. This shows that perfection no longer controls the starting point.
Sign #2: You bounce back faster when things go “wrong”
Instead of spiraling into negative thoughts or shame, you remind yourself mistakes are part of the process. You recover without feeling bad about every misstep.
Sign #3: You set boundaries around time and energy
Perfectionists tend to say yes to everything and push themselves too hard. Being able to step back, rest, or say no is a sign of real healing.
Sign #4: You choose realistic goals instead of impossible ones
You know you’re making progress when your plans reflect your real life, not an imagined version of yourself who operates at 200% capacity every day.
When to consider therapy
These exercises can help reduce perfectionistic tendencies, but they’re not a replacement for personalized support. Therapy can help you explore where your standards came from, why you may fear failure, and how perfectionism impacts your relationships, work, and emotional well-being.
You may benefit from therapy if:
You feel overwhelmed most days
You avoid tasks because you’re afraid of not doing them perfectly
You struggle with anxiety or fear of failure
You spend excessive time on tasks that “should” be simple
You’re self-critical or feel like nothing you do is enough
Perfectionism is affecting relationships or decision-making
Therapy offers space to understand your patterns and learn new ways of relating to yourself.
Final thoughts
Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t mean giving up on yourself. These strategies help you shift from fear-driven striving to a healthier, calmer way of living.
I’ve seen clients who once obsessed over every detail eventually learn to trust themselves, take risks, and make mistakes without falling apart. That shift is possible for you, too.
If you’re ready to loosen perfectionism’s grip and build a more peaceful relationship with yourself, I’d love to help.
You can schedule an intro call with me and start your own path toward meaningful, sustainable progress.
