It’s 11:30 at night, and you’re replaying a conversation you had six hours ago.
You said something that might have come across the wrong way, and now you’re rewriting the conversation in your head. Maybe you should have worded it differently, or they were upset, or that weird pause meant something.
By midnight, you’re trying to figure out how to fix it, and you don’t even know if anything’s wrong.
You’ve probably tried telling yourself to stop overthinking. You’ve reminded yourself that you’re being irrational, distracted yourself with something else, or asked someone you trust to reassure you that everything is fine.
Sometimes that works for a little while. But then something else happens, and you’re right back in your head trying to figure everything out.
I work with people who are good at thinking. They’re thoughtful, capable, self-aware, and often the ones everyone else turns to when there’s a problem. But when it comes to their own anxiety, all that thinking starts working against them. They usually know they’re doing it, but they can’t seem to stop.
Why Do I Overthink Everything?
Overthinking often happens when your brain is trying to find certainty in a situation where there isn’t any.
Maybe you’re worried about how someone feels about you, whether you made the right decision, or what might happen if something goes wrong. Your mind starts running through possibilities because it wants an answer that will finally let you relax.
But most of these situations don’t have a perfectly certain answer. You can’t know exactly what someone else is thinking, predict every outcome of a decision, or prevent every uncomfortable moment by preparing for it ahead of time. That doesn’t stop your brain from trying.
You replay conversations, look for clues, picture different outcomes, and try to find the explanation that will make everything feel settled. For a moment, it might even help. You think you’ve figured it out, and your anxiety eases.
Then another question pops up. What if I’m wrong, or missed something, or they’re actually upset with me?
Before you know it, you’ve spent an hour thinking about something that happened in under five minutes.
When this happens a lot, overthinking can start to feel like you have little control over it. You know you’re doing it, and you might even know it’s not helping, but stopping feels harder than it should.
Overthinking Can Be a Form of Anxiety, Even If You Don't Feel Anxious
A lot of people don’t recognize their overthinking as anxiety because they don’t necessarily feel panicked or overwhelmed.
They might describe themselves as analytical, cautious, or someone who just likes to be prepared, and sometimes that’s true. But there’s a difference between thinking something through and getting stuck in a cycle where every answer creates another question.
You might notice that you’re constantly anticipating what other people need, rehearsing conversations before they happen, or checking and rechecking decisions you’ve already made.
Maybe you have trouble relaxing because the moment things get quiet, your mind finds something new to worry about. Or you’ve gotten so used to keeping track of everything in your head that you don’t even realize how exhausting it is until you try to stop.
I often talk about this with clients in anxiety therapy in Chicago. What looks like a habit of thinking too much can sometimes be your mind’s way of trying to protect you from uncertainty, disappointment, conflict, or rejection.
And when you’ve been doing it for years, it can feel like part of who you are.
Sometimes Overthinking Started as a Way to Keep the Peace
Both personally and as a therapist, I’ve learned that a lot of our habits make more sense once we understand where they came from.
I’ve talked openly about being a recovering people pleaser. For a long time, I thought avoiding conflict was the best way to keep relationships healthy. I was pretty good at reading the room, anticipating what other people needed, and trying to make sure no one was upset. But constantly watching how everyone else feels gets exhausting.
When you’re used to keeping the peace, your brain can get good at noticing potential problems. You replay conversations to make sure you didn’t offend someone, think through every possible response before bringing up something hard, and try to predict how someone might react so you don’t make things uncomfortable. After a while, it becomes hard to trust yourself when you don’t have all the answers.
For some people, these habits started in childhood or in relationships where other people’s reactions felt unpredictable. For others, they started after criticism, rejection, or conflict. You might have learned that being prepared, agreeable, or careful with your words helped you avoid difficult situations.
Those habits may have helped you at one point in your life. But sometimes we keep using them long after things have changed.
You can be in a safe, supportive relationship and still feel anxious about saying what you need. You can have a boss who respects you and still spend your evening worrying about whether they were disappointed in something you said.
Why Thinking Harder Usually Doesn't Help
If you’re an overthinker, you’ve probably tried to reason your way out of anxiety more times than you can count.
You understand that you’re probably picturing the worst, and you might even be able to explain exactly where your fears come from. But you still feel anxious.
I see this a lot with people who are self-aware. They’ve spent time trying to understand themselves, and they’re frustrated that all that awareness hasn’t changed how they feel. Sometimes they start blaming themselves for that, too.
I know this isn’t a big deal. Why can’t I just let it go?
But understanding a reaction and changing that reaction are two different things.
If you’ve learned to respond to uncertainty or conflict as if it’s dangerous, you may feel anxious before you’ve even had time to think through what’s happening.
Your stomach tightens when someone sends a message saying they need to talk, or your chest feels heavy when you have to make a hard decision. You notice someone seems quieter than usual, and suddenly you’re going over everything you said to them that day.
Then you start trying to explain the feeling or figure out how to make it stop.
That’s part of why overthinking is so frustrating. You’re using logic to settle a feeling that may not respond to logic alone, and every time you analyze it, you find more possibilities and get more anxious.
At some point, it can be more helpful to look at why the situation feels so uncomfortable in the first place.
When Overthinking Turns Into Panic
Overthinking doesn’t always lead to panic attacks, and not everyone who has panic attacks struggles with overthinking. But for some people, the two can become closely connected.
You might spend so much time anticipating what could go wrong that you’re tense all day. Your shoulders stay tight, your breathing feels shallow, and you have a hard time relaxing, even when nothing stressful is going on.
Sometimes that ongoing anxiety can contribute to panic attacks. Your heart starts racing, you feel lightheaded or short of breath, and you may suddenly be convinced that something terrible is about to happen. Because that’s frightening, you start looking for an explanation.
Why is my heart beating so fast? Am I about to pass out? What if this happens again tomorrow?
Before long, you may start worrying about having another panic attack, which can make it even harder to relax or feel comfortable in situations where you’ve had one before.
In my work providing panic attack therapy in Chicago, I help clients understand what’s happening when panic shows up and look at what might be contributing to their anxiety.
That can include learning how to respond to the physical symptoms, noticing what makes anxiety worse, and working through experiences that may be keeping those reactions going. We can work on helping you feel better in the moment and on understanding why anxiety keeps showing up.
How EMDR Therapy Can Help With Overthinking
One of the approaches I use with clients who struggle with anxiety and overthinking is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, or EMDR.
EMDR helps people process distressing experiences that continue to affect how they feel about themselves and respond to situations in the present.
You may have heard of EMDR as a treatment for PTSD or major traumatic events. It’s an established treatment for trauma, and it can also be helpful for some people whose anxiety is connected to difficult experiences or beliefs they’ve carried about themselves for a long time.
And those experiences don’t always look the way people expect. Maybe you grew up feeling responsible for everyone’s emotions, or you learned that making a mistake meant being criticized. Or you’ve been in relationships where saying what you needed led to arguments, withdrawal, or rejection.
Experiences like these can shape how you respond to uncertainty, even years later. You might carry beliefs like I have to get everything right, I can’t trust my judgment, or It’s my responsibility to keep everyone happy.
Through EMDR therapy in Chicago, we can look at whether earlier experiences are connected to those beliefs and the anxiety you feel now.
EMDR follows a structured process that can include guided eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation while working with memories, emotions, beliefs, and physical sensations. The goal is to help you process experiences that may still be influencing how you respond today, without telling you your fears are irrational or trying to make you forget what happened.
I like that EMDR doesn’t rely entirely on talking through a problem or analyzing it from every possible angle, especially if you’ve spent years understanding why you’re anxious and still keep getting stuck.
EMDR isn’t necessary or appropriate for everyone who struggles with overthinking. It’s one of several approaches we can consider depending on what’s going on and what feels like a good fit for you.
What Does It Look Like to Stop Overthinking?
You’re still going to have hard decisions, awkward conversations, and moments when you wonder whether you handled something well. What can change is how much of your time and energy those moments take up.
You might have a hard conversation and not replay it all evening, or make a decision without asking three different people whether it’s the right one. Or you notice someone seems upset and don’t assume it’s your job to fix it. You can ask what’s going on, or let them have their own feelings.
For people who have spent years trying to anticipate everyone’s reactions, that can feel unfamiliar at first. You might still feel the urge to analyze everything, but over time, it may become easier to let some questions go unanswered.
In therapy, we can work on getting more comfortable with that uncertainty while also dealing with the anxiety that makes it so hard.
Sometimes that means learning to recognize when you’re getting caught in a worry spiral. Other times, it means practicing setting boundaries, getting more comfortable with conflict, or letting yourself make a decision that someone else might not agree with.
And when earlier experiences are contributing to those reactions, approaches like EMDR may help us work through what’s underneath them.
What helps is different for everyone, and overthinking isn’t something you should be able to fix just by trying harder.
You Don't Have to Figure Everything Out Before Starting Therapy
You don’t need to understand exactly why you overthink, research every therapy approach, or come with a list of everything you think is wrong before reaching out for help.
I know that might be a tall order for someone who likes to think things through. But you can leave some of that work for us to figure out together.
At Still Oak Counseling, I provide overthinking therapy in Chicago for adults who are tired of living in their heads and feeling anxious about things they can’t control. My approach is warm, direct, and focused on understanding what’s behind the overthinking, whether that’s anxiety, past experiences, people-pleasing, or the fear of letting someone down.
I offer in-person sessions in downtown Chicago and online therapy throughout Illinois, so you can choose the setting that works best for you.
If you’re tired of replaying conversations, second-guessing yourself, or feeling like your mind never gets a break, I’d love to talk.
